Lots of Jokes....

Napoleon Bonaparte

Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon Bonaparte."

Boy: "Great, isn't it?"

Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."

Boy: "And that is?"

Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."

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Q: What is a girl friend?

A: Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

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Deodorant

Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drugstore looking at the men's toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.

"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."

The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"

"No," says Judi, "it's for his underarms."

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Military training

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' -- that did it!"

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.

There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320. Then he gets the full house and wins $1000. The National Grid comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"

"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."

"Oh Hell," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well."

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Q: How can you tell when a man's had an orgasm?

A: From the snoring.