Order a drink
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!"
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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Q: Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
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Psychology Teacher
The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
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Snow White
One day, the seven dwarfs left to go work in the mine. Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch.
When she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that some of the dwarfs had survived.
"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello."
For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"
Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "I'll always vote Republican. Vote Republican."
Snow White, somewhat relieved screamed out, "Oh, thank God, Dopey is still alive."
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Just finished high school
A young man had just finished high school and wanted to go to college. He approached his father and said, "Dad, would you send me to college?"
"Son," the father replied, "You don't even know what's what! When you know what's what, I'll send you to college."
His father then offered his son a job in the family business, a furniture store. The boy worked in his father's store for the next year. After the year was over he approached his father again.
"Dad," he said, "I've worked for you for a year. Now will you send me to college now?"
His dad replied, "Son, you still don't know what's what! When you know what's what I'll send you to college."
The boy was dejected and left. He went to a bar to have a drink. At the bar he met an attractive young lady. They seemed to hit it off well. So well, in fact, that they both left and went to her apartment. After an hour of small talk, the young lady said she was going to go to her bedroom and slip into something more comfortable!
When she returned she was totally naked...except for a tiny belt around her waist.
The boy looked at her in astonishment, pointed to the belt and asked, "What's that?"
The lady answered, "What's what?" "What's What?" He exclaimed, "If I knew 'What's what', I'd be in college."
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Q: What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste!
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