Sister's Date ...
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"
"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
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DOG OR DAWG?
To all you dog lovers out there and those who understand the difference between Yankees and Southerners. ..
A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To
(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg
(Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg
(Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes the Whiskey Dawg"
(Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches
(Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg
(Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to
guard the still.
(Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg
(Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg
(Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg
(Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg
(Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs
(Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg
(Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg
(Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg
(Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg
(Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is That?"
(Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff
(Southern) Danged BIG Dawg
(Yankee) Any dog that raids the hen house
(Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg
(Yankee) Any lazy dog
(Southern) Good fer nothin' Dawg
(Yankee) Any dog that's dead & buried & gone to Rainbow
Bridge
(Southern) Best danged Dawg I ever had
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Dangerous off or on the Road
On the road one day, a man and a woman smashed their cars together in a terrible car wreck. Both vehicles were totaled, but fortunately neither person was injured. The woman said to the man, "Thank goodness we're both okay! We should celebrate. I have a bottle of wine in my car, so let's open it and toast the fact that we survived this wreck."
The man agreed and the woman opened the bottle of wine and handed it to him. He took a huge swallow and handed it back. The woman closed the bottled and set it down by his car. The man asked, "Aren't you going to take a drink?"
"No," the woman said. "I think I'll just wait for the cops to get here."
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Today in History
It was on this date in 1871 that Mrs. O'Leary's infamous bovine purportedly kicked over a kerosene lamp thereby becoming the proximate cause of that incendiary moment known as the Great Chicago Fire.
It raged for three days, killing several hundred people and destroying thousands of buildings. It was not a good thing.
And, even more sadly, it was not even the worst fire to start that day in the
Given the cockamamie weather this year, folks, it's really dry in lots of places. Be Smokey the Bear smart.
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Quote of the Day
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
- C.S. Lewis
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Now .. that's a blind date!!!
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't mine would have had to!"
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The Census Taker
Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.
She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"
"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist! "
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You Know You Are In Mormon Country If...
Well whoever said I can't take it when the jokes on me..
Well here is the proof...
...you have a bumper sticker that says "Families are forever".
...when you shop on Sunday, you post date your check.
...you were an aunt or uncle before the age of three.
...your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.
...your family considers a trip to McDonalds a night out.
...you consider "dam" a swear word.
...your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.
...you feel guilty when you watch Monday Night football.
...your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.
...you drink caffeinated coke from a brown paper bag.
...at least two of your salad bowls are at the home of neighbors.
...you think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.
...you negotiate prices at garage sales.
...you think women should stop having kids at 34 because
35 is just too many.
...you can make jello salad without a recipe.
...you heard about BYU football in testimony meeting.
...you have two gallons of ice cream in the freezer at
all times.
...your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.
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