Joke
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book
publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
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Joke
Speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.
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Joke
Q: How is a judge like an English teacher?
A: They both hand out long sentences.
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Joke
Temperance sermon
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon.
With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in
the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all
the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the
river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take
it and pour it into the river."
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced -
with a tiny smile, "For our closing song, Let us sing
Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River'
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Joke
Busty blonde
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde
wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is
unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight, he realizes she has gone without under-
wear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires,
"Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert
his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very
talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is
completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy
can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares
in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit
next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.
The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to
stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle
too!
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Joke
The 11th Husband
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband # 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept
telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never
really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said
he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that every-
thing checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get
the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he
had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to
deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer,he understood the basic
process but he wanted three years to research, implement,
and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband # 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew
how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product,
he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about
it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was...
God I miss him.
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the 'GOVERNMENT' . This time I KNOW I'M
gonna get SCREWED."
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Joke
Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.
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